To Be Alive
by Anonymousdear
Summary: Most are lucky enough not to see two wars in one lifetime. She had tried hard to forget, going as far as to abandon her family and the world she grew up in. But as usual history was repeating itself. As if she hadn't already given enough. Her mother had always said: to be alive is a gift. Sometimes she wished she could give it back.
1. Darkest Ally

Someone was following her. She was almost certain as she dragged herself through whatever dingy alley she had wandered into. It wasn't safe at this time of night in any city, let alone London at this godforsaken hour. It wasn't muggle criminals she was worried about anyway, although right now a stiff breeze could blow her over. Her fears were confirmed when she took off in a run down the passage, two more sets of footsteps thundering after her.

Her breathing came in jagged gasps as she turned down this way and that, tripping and crashing as she went. The footsteps persisted. She was too terrified to look back. At some point, her curly hair had been freed from her top knot and it stuck to the snot and sweat on her face, blocking her vision. Not that she could see where she was going anyway; the only light in the darkness was the telling glow of a lit wand behind her. They were close. Ironically, she mused how easy she was making it for her hunters, she was as vulnerable as a wounded deer. The frigid English weather didn't help. Neither did the heroin.

Vomit was rising into her throat as she tried to race away and her eyes streamed. She couldn't do this for much longer. Words were being called out to her from behind but in her state she couldn't make them out and if anything they made her propel forward faster. There was a bend coming up and she prayed it would lead to a busy street, somewhere with people where she could scream and shout for help. It was doubtful anyone would help her, she would be dismissed and brushed to the side like every other smack head in London. She made the bend, her bare shoulder scraping against the brick. Blood trickled slowly down but she felt nothing but the sinking feeling in her stomach as she realised her mistake. What lay before her summed up her whole life since the war. There was nothing but a black brick wall and she was going to crash into it.

Her only option was to fight. She slowed, swallowing the nausea that was close to overwhelming her and drew her wand, her shaking fingers barely strong enough to keep a grip. She turned in time to see her followers enter the mouth of the alley, slowing as they achieved in trapping her. They flanked either side, leaving her no room for escape.

"I won't go back", she shouted at the two men, her wand raised towards them as if she was coherent enough to string together a hex. "You can't make me".

"The Order needs you, Valerie", a calming voice called out to her, like a father trying to reason with a hysterical child. "Don't make this harder than it needs to be".

"No. No, I won't go back to the dark", she screamed back, tears falling in torrents. A sharp jet of uncontrollable magic shot towards the men, the accidental wandless kind she had only used as a young child in self-defence. It knocked one man back onto the cobbled floor but the other expertly deflected. She knew they would send him.

"Its different this time. We can help you", he called back as he closed in, never raising his voice.

"Please", she croaked out in reply, her back hitting the cold wall. Her wand clattered to the ground. She couldn't fight anymore, she thought she might die at that instant. She wanted to as she slid down the wall, slipping into the dirty rain water. She had dreaded this day from the moment she had left but she always knew it would come; the decision to turn her back was always going to be begrudgingly temporary. She had seen too much, she would emknow/em too much to be left alone, to be forgotten. She cried out.

"There is too much at stake", he murmured apologetically to her, as the other man stooped to pick up her discarded wand. She looked up to the sky as the first drops of rain hit her face. There was nothing left. "I'm sorry, cousin".

She could feel herself leaving her body as fatigue took over. Her eyes had already shut when she heard him. Her own flesh and blood.

"Stupify!".

/||||\\\\\\\/

"The extraction went well, I presume".

"As well as could be expected", was the resigned reply. The man sat at a creaking kitchen table, in front of three others, his hunched shoulders the only tell tale sign of the intense sadness he felt.

"_Well. _Have some respect would you, Snape? He wasn't just popping out for a midnight stroll", an irritated voice shot out, her pink hair turning a light shade of red.

"While Lupin's feelings of betrayal are truly commendable, it can not distract from the the fact that she is essential to the Order's survival and apparently a woeful liability if left unchecked", a man with greasy hair sneered from under his hooked nose. He had no patience for the werewolf's useless moping in regard to what was needed to be done. There was no time to be emotional.

The young woman narrowed her eyes at him, her hair morphing into a furious crimson at the potion master's lack of tact and complete disregard for what Remus might be feeling. One look at his ashen face was enough to tell that the 'extraction' had been awful and that the man warranted some sympathy. The scathing retort she had mentally prepared was cut short by the soothing words of the man sat central at the table.

"Enough, Severus", a bejewelled hand was held up in Snape's direction, silencing any further words. "Remus has made a crucial sacrifice tonight, at great personal cost. To which the Order will be continually grateful".

Remus Lupin had not moved his eyes from the worn wood in front of him. He was scared to look into the eyes of the Hogwart's headmaster lest he saw what would be reflected in them. He would see a man with the same scars across the same worn face, the same brown hair that had more grey flecked in it by the day. But more than anything he would see a man that had betrayed his own kin, his last living relative, to a cause that had already broken her once. He had delivered her straight back to the devil. And that he could not bare. Only when he was alone would he allow himself to cry.

"Remus", Dumbledore addressed him, so softly as if it were only them in the room. "I am sure that what happened tonight will never leave you, as nothing from war ever truly does. But understand that Valerie is instrumental to our cause, uncountable lives may be saved. Including her own".

"She is safer here with us, Remus", Nymphadora agreed, smothering the urge to touch his hand.

Remus could only manage a nod in response.

"Her power is too great for her to be alone, Remus. Her protection is of equal importance as Harry's. Severus will do what he can for her", Dumbledore concluded before directing Snape and himself out the door.

For a while, the remaining two sat in silence, staring into thin air.

"How is she?", Nymphadora asked, daring to place a hand on his arm.

Remus's breath hitched, his green eyes glazed with tears, "You wouldn't even recognise her".


	2. Down the Rabbit Hole We Go

She was in a dark room, a strange room - one that was only slightly less rundown than the shit hole she was renting in Soho. Normally, waking up in a strange place with no memory of the night before would cause her no mind but her surroundings was the last thing on her mind. All she could think about was the pounding in her head, reminiscent of a freight train crashing repeatedly into the front of her skull. Breathing was pain and the only noise in the room was the excruciating stretching of every muscle and tendon in her body. What was the time? Time for her next hit that was for sure.

Her hair was wet and from the smell it wasn't from a shower. The shower. That was where her stash was back at the flat, inside the mirror cupboard, next to her toothbrush. She moved her head to the side, looking for a door. The movement was enough to make her heave and before she knew it she threw herself over the side of the bed, nearly hurtling onto the floor with bile pouring from her throat. She was coughing uncontrollably, dangling from the bed, so out of it that she didn't realise she had been magically bound to the bed post by her wrist.

She felt everything, every beat of her heart was a hand crushing her windpipe and she felt as though she were drowning under the sweat drenching her skin. She was floating through darkness until she wasn't. Suddenly sat up right in bed she was, shrouded by light and air so fresh it was pure euphoria sliding into her lungs.

"Vally, you're awake!", a voice called to her from her left. She turned sharply, not a hint of a headache as she did so. A little boy sat at her bedside, no more than 11. She knew this boy. He was peaky, a light scar slightly marring his jaw but with childlike excitement in the green eyes that stared back at her. "I'm going to Hogwarts tomorrow! Won't you miss me?".

Valerie looked at the Hogwarts robes gracing his weedy frame, so looking forward to the day that awaited him that he was already in his uniform. "Hogwarts?", she asked uncertainly, her usual raspiness gone. It had been years since she had graduated.

"I got my letter, don't you remember Vally? Don't worry, you'll be there too soon!", the boy jumped up and down in his seat before placing a reassuring hand on her arm.

"Remus?", she asked him. The lovely face of her cousin turned up in a smile and he nodded his head enthusiastically. The innocent joy of the child so contagious Valerie felt herself relaxing. Yes, she would be going to Hogwarts soon, to be with Remy and her friends. Soon she would be old enough, her mother had said so.

"Aunty Agatha said you've been ill", the young boy continued to smile at her, "But you'll be better soon. _It _will get better soon, you'll see". Such cryptic words weren't befitting of a child so young, but at the sound of her mother's name she couldn't help but feel reassured. Her mother. She hadn't seen her for years, no she had seen her yesterday when she had brought her medicine. She'd be back later. Valerie looked around the was _her _room. The green walls and flowery bedspread so familiar yet so far out of reach, the muggle ballerina posters and pictures of kittens reminiscent of a childhood that she was living yet was worlds behind her. This innocence comforted her just as it simultaneously made her skin crawl.

That wasn't supposed to be there. That dark forest at the bottom of her bed, with the man standing at the front, looking at her with icy blue eyes. It cut her room in two, the shadowy dark oozing into her childhood like tar, destroying her lampshades and wallpaper as it went. She felt fear, so much fear.

"Remy, who is that?", she pointed towards the silent man but her cousin didn't turn, his smile never dropping. He sat on her bedspread, gripping her hand, "When you feel better, don't let him take us. When you are better". Valerie could only stare back and forth between her cousin and the man at the end of her bed, grinning at her with sharpened teeth. She tried to speak but before she had uttered the words, Remus began to shake in her arms, three bloody slashes cutting across his face before he opened his mouth in a silent scream. His young body tore and morphed before her eyes, a snarling werewolf in his place.

Valerie clamped her eyes shut. She had seen this before. She wished to be away, to not hear the howling, that soul-destroying howling. It broke her heart.

"Open your eyes, Valerie.", a woman's voice this time. "You don't have to hide anymore".

She opened her eyes, one brown, one green and looked at the young woman with long red hair, that was holding out her hand. They were standing in a hallway, lanterns lit on either side and clear the night sky visible from the window in front of them. They were in Hogwarts, she was sure. When she looked down, it was confirmed; there were her Gryffindor robes.

"You need a better nights sleep and at least 3 pumpkin pasties I think", the redhead laughed at her as Valerie took her outstretched hand. It pulled her up into standing position. It was Lily.

"Where is Harry?", she asked confused, Lily looked the same as when Valerie had last seen her, before _that_ night, but her husband and young baby were nowhere in sight.

"They'll be along now", she replied, a motherly smile sat on her smooth face, not a one in sight. Not a hint of worry of what was to come. As if on cue, James Potter approached from down the hall, a wriggling, chubby baby clasped in his arms. The dark haired beauty called out for his mother and instantly Lily's arms were opened wide, the baby nestled in her chest.

Valerie couldn't contain herself. She sank back to her knees, knowing what would come next and her sadness streamed out of her uncontrollably, "I tried". She weeped loudly.

Lily and James merely shook their heads and offered sympathetic smiles. They began to walk away from her, back down the hall, "Some things can not be changed".

Valerie closed her eyes for the next part. She didn't need to watch to know who waited for the loving family at the end of the hall and their screams were enough to remind her of the events of so long ago. Her whole body ached again, her breaths coming in ragged gasps and every cell in her body screaming out for another hit. Another dose of sweet oblivion. Faces of the dead flashed behind her eyes, every person that the war had taken yelled at her with such ferocity it sent her reeling. Back floating down into the darkness where she felt so beyond help.

/|||\\\\\\\\\

"Where is she?" Sirius asked, slumped into an armchair facing the fire, trying not to be irritated about being in a house that he hated and in the company of some he despised even more.

"Upstairs, drying out. Your mother's room actually", his cousin, Tonks, replied, her amusement at the last part clear in her tone. Sirius himself couldn't suppress his smirk. Oh how she would of loved that. _Take that mummy dearest. _Her boudoir being used as a personal rehab for a recovering addict. And a half-blood to boot.

"How long?", another voice shot from the side of the room. Mad-Eye. He leant on his staff in the darkest corner, his magical eye scouring the room as its counterpart was fixed firmly on Dumbledore, who sat in the other armchair adjacent to Sirius, puffing on his pipe.

"The calming draught should keep her sedated until this evening, but then she will need more treatment, perhaps months of rehabilitation", was the snivelling reply that came from Snape, hovering at the door. He was aware of how unwelcome he was.

"I thought you were a potion master, Snivelly. If we knew you'd take your jolly good time doing your job, we would of asked someone else", Sirius retorted, his back turned to his nemesis.

"I do not need to remind you that I am neither a healer or a miracle worker. I can attend to her physical ailments, see her through the worst of her withdrawal but I can not treat the wounds within", Snape folded his arms, the distaste he felt for the ex-convict clear in his voice.

"Yes, the mind is a magic all of its own. You should know better than anyone, Sirius, that it is not something that can be fixed in a day or two", Dumbledore weighed in thoughtfully.

"Those muggle potions are tricky things, I've never seen destruction like it", Tonks replied sadly, ignoring the disagreeing scoff that came from Mad-Eye's corner of the room. Nothing could change her mind - the pitiful thing laying upstairs that was all that was left of her friend had secured this.

"One does the unimaginable to escape their pain and Valerie has suffered more than most. The lengths at which she has gone to hide from hers is not for the faint hearted", Dumbledore paused to take another puff of his pipe.

"You called us us what you intend to do with the girl.", demanded Mad-Eye, paranoid at how long he had remained in one place.

"Her Seer abilities were vital in our last success against the Dark Lord, I have no doubt they will be equally beneficial this time. Regrettably, however, we have lost the element of surprise as Voldemort is very much aware of her power", the old headmaster replied calmly.

"Your little rat friend saw to that", Snape sneered at Black, "Also, there is no telling how much damage the girl has inflicted upon herself in her efforts to suppress her abilities. There is a slight chance that she will not be able to regain them at all".

"At the very least, we will have kept her safe from harm if that is the case. Even when broken, Voldemort would not allow such a weapon to exist. Only time will tell", was Dumbledore's concluding statement. With all matters of business neatly finished and tied up in a bow, the group departed, leaving Sirius alone in the sitting room.

He bristled with anger, the hatred he felt towards the man that had betrayed his friends mixed with the sadness he felt for the woman upstairs that had been suffering all her life, who had not regained proper consciousness in 3 days. Not only had Peter been responsible for the murder of his best mate and his wife but now he wanted to add a third to his list. He should have splattered him all over London like they said he did. He had been the passive audience to Valerie's screams since she had got here. He had given up a room in his house willingly to the Order when they had said a member needed his help but never did he imagine that it would be Valerie Lupin. Truthfully, Sirius thought she had vanished during the First Wizarding War and obviously being in Azkaban, nothing was said to make him think otherwise. He wasn't even aware of her status of a Seer and the role she played as one of Dumbledore's secret weapons until he had been filled in yesterday. He hadn't had the chance to see her but he was told she was a sorry sight, nothing like the girl running about Hogwarts or the young woman that would accompany her cousin to their gatherings. It was all especially hard on Remus. He had wanted to be there when she woke up and he hadn't left her side since.


	3. Try and Make Me

Valerie had been asleep for 5 days. Approaching 6 really. Or rather she hadn't regained consciousness in nearly 5 days. It hadn't stopped her thrashing about and screaming out every so often, slipping into fits of hysteria as she begged for more of her chosen poison. Remus had sat through it all, maintaining his bedside vigil well into the early hours before someone was sent to relieve him. Sometimes it was Tonks, sometimes Sirius but he knew it nearly hurt the former just as much as him at seeing Valerie in the state she was in so more often than not Remus would decline her help. Besides he found little relief in sleep and he felt, at least, by sitting by his cousin's bedside that he was doing something useful.

He was sitting in the corner of the room, nursing a mug of buttered pea soup Molly had insisted he eat; the only light in the room was the soft glow of candles on the little rickety nightstand. He was bathed in darkness really, but he could see perfectly the decrepit figure that lay motionless in the middle of the bed. Despite only being 4 years her senior, Valerie looked like a child tucked away under hundreds of thick blankets. It seemed she had shrunk, not being of large weight or height when he had found her skulking about London but her bones were more prominent now, her lips permanently split and hair was in vicious tangles that stayed matted no matter how much Sleekeazy's hair potion they poured. She was accompanied by the lingering smell of vomit and her skin had adopted that yellowish tinge that was the unfortunate side effect of prolonged use of the calming draught and other such anti-anxiety remedies. In short she was a far cry from the cheerful curly haired girl that used to beg him to take her to quidditch matches and run after him at Hogwarts in their adolescence.

At the moment, she rested - not quite peacefully but in relative quiet. The fits were awful, the random bouts of howling even worse. Severus had subscribed her a course of the Calming Draught and Draught of Peace to ferry her through the worst of her pain. He had taken the time to explain to Remus that muggle drugs caused withdrawal symptoms far worse than any recreational wizarding potion ever did and without a Healer her recovery would be a slow one. It would have to do - there was no taking her to St. Mungos, they had no idea who had infiltrated the hospital. Remus diligently administered these draughts upon any sign that Valerie was disturbing from her sleep as the potion master advised and despite his serious lack of bedside manner, Remus knew Severus was doing the best he could.

His aunt would be so disappointed in him, he knew. Agatha was the only family member that saw past his lycanthropy, who continued to recognise the Remus that existed alongside the beast within and she raised Valerie to emulate these views. He remembered Valerie's first day at Hogwarts, his aunt had placed a soft hand on his scarred cheek and asked him to always look after her Valerie, her only child. Remus knew what she was even then, aware of the unknowable things that she saw and the loving reassurance they both gave him was enough to make him puff out his chest and declare that he would protect her always. The shivering mess before him was evidence enough that he had done a poor job, but he hoped Aunt Agatha would understand.

"Moony", a rasping voice called from the doorway. Remus looked up to see a miffed Sirius loitering at the door, arms crossed in a sulky manner. He didn't need to look at the clock to know it wasn't yet Sirius's turn to watch over Valerie.

"Dumbledore still hasn't lifted the house arrest order, I presume?", he asked with amusement, a slight grin on his face at his best friend's brooding. Sirius had been demanding his freedom for weeks now and despite orders in place that specifically prohibited him from doing so, he had been sneaking out quite regularly.

"My turn, then", was the only response Remus got, so he collected his pea soup and left Valerie's room with a clap to his friend's shoulder in thanks.

Sirius resumed Remus's place at the back of the room, slumping into it with the demeanour of a scolded infant, arms firmly folded beneath his chin. _Childish_, he thought. _Bloody childish. _Thats what Molly had called him when he had asked for possibly the 100th time if he could be free to leave Grimmauld Place, if just for a few hours. His simple request was shot down as usual and Mrs Weasley had berated him to no end about his insufferable immaturity on the matter. Couldn't they see? He was going positively mental trapped inside his childhood home, the wretched face of Kreacher and his mother's portrait made him want to bash his own in. It was easy for everyone else, they were free to roam about and do as they pleased, they weren't sequestered into the devilish place where they were beaten as a child. Plus, Harry needed him. Now more than ever. If anything everyone else was being the childish ones. _Bloody childish. _He suddenly felt his hair stand up on end, the unmistakable feeling that he was being watched washed over him. He looked up.

Sat up in bed, looking as though she had risen from the grave, was Valerie, her mismatched eyes staring back into his own. She felt as though someone had shaken her from a dream and though her head throbbed, she hadn't felt this…well this clean in months. Where was she? The last thing she remembered was drifting through the dark and now here she was, sat in a strange room.

"Hello, Shirley"

A flutter of recognition broke over her face as she stared at the rugged man in front of her. She hadn't heard that nickname in years and there was only one person who ever used it. And there he was. She was shocked to see Sirius Black, sitting alive and breathing at the end of her bed. The last she heard of him was that he was rotting in a cell in Azkaban.

"Sirius Black. What a blast from the past", she replied, uncertain of her own voice as it came out in a light rasp.

"Good to see you too, Shirley. I'd say you look well but I think I've finally found someone who looks worse than me", Sirius laughed, not put off by her obvious surprise. He knew it was to be expected, after all he was publicly announced as a convicted murderer on the loose and for all Valerie knew, that was the truth.

Valerie laughed, she didn't need a looking glass to know he was right. She had attempted to dry herself out enough times to know she probably looked and smelled very similar to a she-troll right now. He wasn't wrong on his own front either, he did look rough. Years in windowless cell hadn't done much for him; there was far more grey than was necessary for a man in his thirties and his face bore the weary marks of exhaustion but he was still the same Sirius. The Sirius that never called her by her given name but insisted on Shirley due to the unruly blonde curls perched on her head, a nod to the muggle child star that had graced so many theatres.

"Where am I?", she asked as she looked around the room, seeing nothing familiar.

"Grimmauld Place, my mother's bed to be exact", Sirius replied, his mirth not disguised one bit.

_"_Never did I think my first sleepover with the notorious Sirius Black would end up like this", she supplied as she stretched her aching limbs.

"Well, actually you've technically had 5 sleepovers", Sirius smirked, faltering only slightly when Valerie's eyes widened at how long she had been unconscious. "Wipe off the vomit though and I think you'd have a chance at another", he winked at her.

She giggled loudly. She felt as though they were teenagers again, so easy was it to slip back into the past and forget the current circumstances. If only. She pressed her palm into her throbbing head, resisting the urge to empty the contents of her stomach onto the floor.

Sirius shifted uncomfortably, aware he would have to inform her of what waited outside the four walls in which she had been cocooned for nearly a week. He suddenly regretted taking Remus's place, he didn't want to be the one to break it to her that war had once more broken out and that history appeared to be repeating itself. She was too unpredictable and fragile at the moment. He would pass the buck to someone else maybe, he didn't want to upset her after all. He cleared his throat.

"Remus is downstairs, Valerie", he watched as she froze instantly, her breath hitching. "He's been waiting here next to you, every night. Hoping you would wake up. He's in a terrible state of things".

She couldn't help the betrayal that burst through her chest at the sound of her cousin's name, in fact it rocked her so much a tear slipped from her eye. She sniffed loudly, wiped her face, "Yes well, I'm sure ambushing ones family and kidnapping them does that to a person". Her voice was cold, flat, the initial mellow and slightly playful tone completely erased as she stared at the wall next to Sirius.

"You have to understand", Sirius pressed cautiously, "people are in danger-"

"Someone is always in danger", Valerie snapped, cutting him off bluntly. She turned away on her side and she heard Sirius's sigh.

"I'll go tell the others you're up".

/||||\\\\\\\\\\\

"Miss Lupin, I am so happy to see that you're awake and on the road to recovery. You gave us all quite the scare", the amicable Dumbledore sat next to her bed, his old hands knitted together in his lap. Everything about him oozed joviality and she hated it. She said nothing, merely nodding in recognition of his words. "Your friends and family are waiting eagerly outside that very door to come and greet you but before any such heartfelt reunion can occur, it is my duty to inform you of current events".

"You have some serious health requirements that need our immediate attention.", Dumbledore waved his hand in a gesture behind him, "Severus, if you will".

Severus Snape approached from the gloomy corner in which he was standing, a small crate of rattling glass carried in his hands. He thrust it out to her. "Invigoration draughts as well as multiple draughts of peace, they should keep you tethered to sanity for now. To be taken once a day. I will be returning once a week to monitor your overall condition in the absence of a healer. I will know immediately if you have not taken them.", Snape droned in a bored voice. Valerie accepted the potions with a nod of thanks, placing them next to her on the bed.

"Anything you need will be at your disposable, my dear", the headmaster's hand patted her own. "Now on to more pressing matters. While your safety is of top priority, I must confess to an ulterior motive to having you brought here. All these years we have lived with the possibility of the return of the Dark Lord and recent events have led me to the undeniable conclusion that such a possibility has come into fruition". He said the words calmly, as if they were discussing a new story in the paper; matter of fact and completely without any worry, as if the problem was too remote to be theirs.

Valerie had begun to shake. She knew what he wanted from her; she knew it as soon as she heard that the Order was looking for her. She was to be used as a pawn in one of Dumbledore's great strategies and she would be compromised all in the name of something that was unlikely to be a success. "Don't", she hissed, willing him not to continue.

"This decision was not made lightly, Valerie. From the moment you left the Order you have suffered immensely and your return was orchestrated in order to prevent anymore to yourself and to others. Think of all those that you helped, all that survived as a result of your premonitions. I hate to ask this of you, Valerie, but I must". His tone was soothing and apologetic, it would have been comforting if it wasn't for the gravity of what he was asking of her. If he hadn't been once more asking her to sign her life away.

"Haven't I given enough?", she snarled, blinking away the tears that threatened to fall. "I have seen enough death to span a lifetime and you would have me be the deliverer of more. Your faith in me is misguided". She sprung from the bed, ignoring the groaning of her limbs. Yes it was true, her Seer abilities had rescued some from evil but it had also delivered others straight into its hands and their certain demise weighed on her conscience every day. The war had taken her to a dark place and she refused to return to it.

"You stand to lose far more now than ever. The Dark Lord will return and Harry will be in grave danger", Dumbledore pressed. He had struck a chord it was clear. Valerie let out a scream of frustration.

"I can't, I will not go back to the dark, Dumbledore. You nor any force on earth can make me", she shouted. The thought of a child's life hanging in the balance was frightening but it was too much responsibility, if she failed it would be more than she could bare.

"There is, if you would permit me to say so, the ever present issue of the Dark Lord's knowledge of your particular abilities, Lupin. New information has revealed that it is quite extensive", Snape interjected, his narrow eyes trained on the frantic woman in front of him, his hand placed lightly on his wand. He would restrain her if needs be.

"Ah yes, it is most unfortunate. It would seem your friend Peter did not leave anything out when divulging the Order's secrets to Voldemort. He is very much aware of you, my dear Valerie, which means, in the absence of your cooperation, that you will be limited to Grimmauld Place for the time being", Dumbledore replied to her obvious confusion.

"_Limited", _Valerie repeated slowly, her anger boiling over to pure panic as she contemplated the implications of the headmaster's words. "You're going to keep me prisoner?", she asked incredulously.

"You see, I anticipated that we may hit this slight snag", Dumbledore walked towards the door, gesturing for Severus to follow, who promptly walked out of the door. "You're too dangerous to be set free, my dear. It is in your best interests that you will remain here in the care of the Order. I truly hope that you will come round to our way of thinking, however in the mean time your wand will be kept under supervision and you will commence your sessions with Severus for the safety of yourself and others". His tone was authoritative but his eyes were sad, it was unfortunate how things had played out but there could be no loose canons in war. Valerie knew he wasn't an unreasonable man, in truth he was one of the only secure parental figures she had in her life, but in that moment she hated him.

"I hope you can forgive me".

/||||\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\

The woman hurried quickly down the cobbled path, trying her best to tread lightly in her haste should her echoing footsteps attract the attention of the muggle caretaker who lived in the house directly across from her intended destination. She climbed the hill, her excitement could barely be contained by the time she reached the Riddle Mansion doors, creeping up the stairs to where her master lay waiting.

She brushed that spluttering Pettigrew aside, stepping over him as he fell to the floor.

"You've returned.", a hissing voice reached her ears from where its source lay swaddled on a frayed armchair. "To show me how much of a loyal, useful servant you can be", the creatures red eyes flashed furiously towards his pitiful caretaker, sprawled on the floor. It let out another disdainful hiss.

"My Lord", the woman bowed lowly.

"Spit it out!"

"The Order has found the girl. Their headquarters is still unknown to us but", the woman hurried to save herself at the outraged snarling coming from the wrapped creature, "they have plans to restore her".

A curdling giggle left the creatures mouth, "Oh yes. Oh I see a great use for her, even as a half-blood". She could see bony fingers curling in delight. "Will she take some convincing?"

"Nothing you can't handle, of course, my Lord. She is weak", the woman became bolder as she sensed her master's growing pleasure.

"How sweet of Albus. Believing he could keep such a precious jewel from me. We must extract her at the earliest convenience", a cackle followed. "Take note Wormtail, bask in the shadow of a truly useful follower".

The woman grinned toothily at her master, she had truly done him a great service and upon his restoration she had no doubt he would reward her greatly.

"Do you understand?", the creature rasped suddenly. Both Wormtail and herself shared a look of confusion, neither one being the addressee. Another figure emerged from the darkened hallway, one she had not realised had followed her upon her arrival - she knew that face. She had worked alongside his father in the ministry for years.

"My Lord?"

"You're loyalty has always been appreciated and it is true that as of late you have been surprisingly valuable. However there can be no risk that such a prize will slip through my fingers and into the those of the enemy, you'll understand. There will be no loose ends. I thank you for your service", the creature cackled again.

Her eyes widened in horror and she attempted to move to the back of the room while drawing her wand. Her hand merely managed to graze the polished surface of her sandalwood wand before being struck down with the killing curse, an unearthly laughing guiding her into the afterlife.

**AN: Hello! I really appreciate any support for this fanfic, I'm having a lot of fun writing it so far! I understand if things are a little confusing at the moment but not to worry, all will be revealed. In the mean time if you have any questions about anything mentioned don't hesitate to ask! Show me some love and review! {All disclaimers apply as usual}**


	4. Sara

_Flashback _

He was walking through the Transfiguration block. Strutting was probably the more appropriate word, simply because that was exactly what he was doing. Strolling about with an arrogant confidence that indicated he owned the place and a smug smirk on his face that he automatically flashed to any female that happened to walk his way. If that didn't constitute strutting then Snape was the biggest sex bomb at Hogwarts and Peter had the best grades in potions and charms combined.

He was avoiding McGonagall, after him she was after the spectacle he had caused in Great Hall this morning; he and the rest of the Marauders had transfigured the whole of the Slytherin house's robes from their usual emerald green to the blazing red and yellow of Gryffindor and Lucius Malfoy's head had changed to suspiciously resemble a lion that erupted in a roar every time he opened his mouth. He laughed again just thinking about it. Thereupon he had now ditched potions and was en route to a hiding spot where he knew he would be free to doss about for the hour, free from disturbances. The Transfiguration courtyard would be empty at this time, no one would see him hiding under the great tree that took up a decent portion of it, besides it was a beautiful day. He hopped over the stone wall, landing quietly to the left of his desired destination and began to walk around the tree's chestnut trunk.

"Wait a minute baby", he froze at the voice that sung out to him from the spot he usually occupied. The voice was light and melodic, clearly a girls and he prayed it wasn't one of the group of bothersome 6th years he had shagged in Ravenclaw that had banded together and taken to following him around. That would certainly be an end to the peaceful hour he had planned for himself.

"Stay with me a while, said you'd give me life", the voice continued. Well that clearly wasn't directed at him. He let out the breath he had been holding and immediately peeped his shaggy head round the curve of the trunk. There, with her back to him, was a girl, shoulders covered in thick messy ringlets of blonde curly hair, descending close to her waist. She was moving in a slow rhythm, hips swaying lazily and both arms extended above her head, rolling in flowing patterns, a cigarette dangling from one of her dainty hands. Immediately his signature smirk slid back onto his face, _this was going to be more fun than I thought_. He laughed loudly as he came out from behind the tree, all the while the girl had continued to sing. "But you never told me about the fire".

"Fleetwood Mac, yeah? I'm more of a Led Zeppelin fan myself, sweetheart", she immediately stopped dancing at the sound of the older boys goading voice. She hadn't turned yet but he saw the cigarette disappear towards her face, presumably to take a drag.

"Let me guess, your favourite song is Black Dog", the girl laughed at him, a slight sneer in her voice. Sirius's eyes narrowed at the comment, hot suspicion growing in his stomach as it hit too close to home. It could've been a lucky guess, Black Dog was a popular song but the mocking in her voice told him otherwise. Of course as soon as she turned to face him, the only thing he felt was sheer shock. By the smirk on her face he was sure his own was an absolute picture.

It was unmistakable. The amount of curly hair plus one green eye and one brown equaled Valerie Lupin, the _much_ younger cousin of best friend Remus Lupin. He could of slapped himself for not noticing sooner and smothered his embarrassment as he realised the level of creepy he looked by calling her something so sickly sweet. How old was she again? They hadn't spoken much over the years, he had helped Remus rough up a few members of her year that had picked on her a few times as well as those that Remus thought intentions were more than friendly. But he and presumably the rest of the Marauders had been restricted in their interactions with her as Remus had practically put an off limits sign on her. Sirius wasn't going to lie, he could see why. She was a beautiful little thing. He quickly recovered.

"Why, Miss Lupin, skipping class are we? What would dear old Remy say?", his smirk was back. He leaned against the tree with his arms crossed.

She mimicked his actions but had an innocent look on her face, "No more than what McGonagall would say after that stunt you pulled this morning".

"Touché", he laughed out, slightly surprised by the level of sass that was present in somebody talking to an older student, let alone emhim. /emMost girls loved time alone with him. He watched her closely, the loose smile on her freckly face, the hand perched on her hip, the other raised to her mouth. His eyes zeroed in on the cigarette and he sauntered over to her, plucking it from her hand and taking a drag. "Smoking, as well! I'm afraid its my duty as the older and far more cleverer party to protect you from all bad influences so I'll have to take this off your hands. Your cousin would have my head if I didn't". He was only half joking.

"Who do you think I got them off?", Valerie fibbed cheekily, both hands on her hips. Little cousin clearly wasn't as clean handed as Remus thought. "Besides, I'm old enough to do what I want".

"Oh really and how old is that again?", Sirius prompted, putting the cigarette back to his lips.

"Old enough", she insisted, moving toward him and trying to reach up. He batted her hand away and held the cigarette up above his head, dangling it teasingly. /

"How old, Shirley?", he insisted back just as strongly, mind set on this particular nugget of information.

The determined look in the younger girl's eyes faded to confusion at the name, "Shirley?", she asked confused. Her hand stilling from its movements.

"Yeah, Shirley. As in Shirley Temple, the American actress. You could be her double", he grinned toothily down at her, clear joy at her befuddlement. "How old?" he asked again.

Valerie paused for a minute, debating on whether to tell him the truth. Whatever her answer he could always double check with Remus anyway. She finally replied, the absolute picture of innocence, "I'll be 15 in 2 weeks".

Sirius's mouth dropped. emMerlin, she looked at least 16. The girl standing in front of him was in 4th year. _4th year,_ a little voice inside him repeated in a scream. She was nearly a full four years younger than him for Godric's sake.

"If it makes you feel better, I'm the oldest in my year", she laughed, clearly amused that she had managed to shock him three times in their short conversation.

Needless to say, he didn't give her back the cigarette.

||/\\\\\\\\\\\/\\\||/

Sirius scrubbed a hand over his face. He remembered the first time he had properly met Valerie - he had never scampered away so fast on two legs. He hadn't told Remus of their meeting in fear of getting her in trouble for skiving and smoking but had told James and no one could have imagined his surprise when it was revealed that the other two Marauders had indeed met Valerie before. James had sheepishly smiled at him, admitting that the banning order had only been placed on Sirius and he and Peter had in fact had many conversations with Valerie. At the time he was wounded and slightly insulted, indignantly wondering why he had been purposefully left out but now, a middle aged man he knew Remus had every right. He was a bit of a rapscallion back then.

The Sirius now was much older, was less into styling his hair and had little to zero interest in the opposite sex. He was also beginning to get tired of the now Valerie, who had been nothing but a giant pain in the backside since Dumbledore had placed her under house arrest. She had to be locked in his mother's room until she had calmed down after the initial conversation; she had screamed and fought and used so much wandless magic she had passed out, as powerful a witch as she was she was still extremely weak. She point blanked refused to talk to Remus and spent most of the first few days crying in her room. Now it was 14 days, four escape attempts and uncountable tantrums later and she was still sat in a sulk in the Black sitting room, eyes squeezed shut as Molly Weasley gave her a lecture on how she should consider forgiving Remus. In Valerie's defence Molly was one of the only other visitors to Grimmauld Place that Valerie bothered talking to, along with Tonks and, begrudgingly, Snape. Dumbledore, himself and Mad-Eye were all on the single answers only list but only poor Remus was a recipient of the silent treatment.

Valerie was waiting for Snape to turn up for his weekly visit, under the watchful supervision of Molly and Sirius since she had taken to using wandless magic to confound Snape at every turn. She couldn't completely stop Dumbledore's plans but everyone could see she was doing her best to delay them. She had tried to purposefully not take the draughts at first but had slowly realised that it punished nobody but herself. She had started to experience night terrors and the crippling exhaustion that was a symptom of a year-long spell of substance-abuse and after a good scolding from Snape she had quickly packed it in.

"Severus is here", Molly suddenly called, her head of ginger hair craning to look into the hall. She shot Sirius a warning look to behave himself, already noticing the souring look appearing over his face as if he'd caught a whiff of an unholy smell. That very smell walked through the doorway and into his living room.

"Miss Lupin, despite your enduring petulance and inability to act like an adult, I can already see a significant change in your physical state. Up. Now", Snape commanded the girl on the sofa that was giving him the stinkiest side eye. It was true. She had lost that yellowish tinge, the accompanying smell of vomit had disappeared and the croaky tone of her voice had dissipated. She slid from her seat reluctantly to stand in front of the potion master, who proceeded to walk around her.

He did this twice, black eyes analysing every blemish, every hair out of place. Valerie felt as though she were a broken commodity, awaiting the daunting answer of whether the level of her damage was too irreparable to be worth the effort of repair and so should simply be tossed away. He finally came to a stop, staring down at the petite woman, unamused. "Does she eat?", he harshly threw out the question to the room. Sirius bristled irritably, struggling to swallow down the retort that was something along the lines of how Snape should probably eat more himself lest he continue to look like a greasy, animated scarecrow that scared women and men alike. Luckily Molly came to his rescue, answering in her usual motherly tone, "Dribs and drabs, I wouldn't call it 'eating' in my book but then I'm used to feeding 6 growing children", she smiled as she mentioned them. "Although Valerie has managed to keep everything down, haven't you dear?". She said it as if it was an accomplishment./

A slow grimace had formed on Snape's face as he endured the unnecessary information about the Weasley brood but checked his impulse to call the matronly figure out on it; the Weasley matriarch was an efficient, kindly person and definitely the only carrot top member of the continually reproducing family that he respected. "As I expected. It will take months for your metabolism and bodily functions to return to normal, in fact your body ever returning to optimum strength is quite unlikely. However, in the mean time, it is ironically fitting that I should recommend sweets, anything with a high sugar content considering your ever mature demeanour", a grim smirk on his greasy face.

Valerie was growing tired of his repeated jibes about her acting like a child, but she didn't help herself when she stuck her tongue out at him. /

"Premonitions?"

Her breath hitched slightly and she was suddenly very uncomfortable as she felt both Molly and Sirius' eyes slide to her in interest but she immediately shook her head.

"Any headaches?"

"Some".

Severus let out a snort of derision, "You're supposed to be intelligent, Lupin. The harder you try to suppress them, the more detrimental the toll on your body. You know from experience how hard it is to successfully stop the visions without any…help and I do not need to remind you that you won't find any of that muggle filth here. You either wallow in your pathetic sadness and waste valuable resources or make yourself remotely useful".

She hated Severus's habit of being correct. Without the drugs, attempting to shut out visions would eventually be impossible and the energy spent on attempting to would land her unconscious. The terrifying end was near, she could see. Soon she was going to have to accept the worst - if her sobriety was here to stay than so were the visions. Whilst she hadn't felt this well in almost a year, even that decision was on the rocks right now. She couldn't promise that if she escaped she wouldn't turn again to her vices and fall back into old habits; being rendered paralysed in an ally from a heroin induced haze was preferable to the soul-crushing guilt she felt otherwise. She felt so much anguish in that moment that her hands began to tremble and the only response was a hushed, "It's not fair".

Suddenly Severus's face was level with her own, "You seem to be labouring under the delusion that life is fair and precious celebrities such as yourself get what _you_ want. Well I am aghast to inform you that it couldn't be more the opposite. It also may have escaped your notice that you aren't the only individual in this world in need of assistance, shocking as it is. A little something to think about as you pathetically brood about how unfair your life has been". His words were cold and cutting, not outwardly vicious but the intention to hurt her was plain as day and he had hit his intended mark. He swooped out as quickly as he had arrived, leaving Valerie standing, tears streaming down her cheeks.

||/\\\\\\\\\\\||

_Flashback _

It was a winter party, she had been told, so dress festive. It was November and a certain Order member's birthday but said member had insisted he hadn't wanted a party but nevertheless Lily and James had thrown it anyway, insisting that they were merely celebrating surviving the autumn months. They vehemently denied that Sirius had any role in any of it. Either way, both were as noble reasons to celebrate as any. She stood in the living room, chatting with her Uncle Lyall, acutely aware of how she was the only person that still attended Hogwarts and how she knew her best friend Vera would give her left kidney to be here. She didn't feel young by any means, but only a few knew of her particular gift, a guarded secret as it was, so most just thought she was in attendance purely because her only living relatives were part of the Order.

She politely excused herself from her uncle, who patted her cheek lovingly, and wriggled through the mass of socialising bodies that were congregating in the living room when she saw Lily frantically waving at her from the kitchen. She made it through and was graced with a hug from the older woman, who immediately complimented her on her outfit, "You look simply lovely! All this effort isn't for a certain someone, is it?".

Lily was only teasing, of course. Well at least that was what Valerie thought anyway, she had thought her crush on the birthday boy himself was easily disguised by her outward sassy exterior towards pretty much anything to do with him and she would fiercely deny it if anything was suggested otherwise. Unbeknownst to her Lily was very aware of the crush, as was most people, she even had a bet with James going about how long it would take her to crack and confess.

"Thank you Lily, but not bloody likely. Especially when everyone here is about as ancient as Professor Binns", Valerie laughed at the following 'Oi!' from a passing eavesdropper and smoothed down her outfit. She was wearing a wine coloured pinafore with a white blouse, her great bell sleeves dangling towards the floor and her curly hair pinned back in its usual messy fashion with little clips transfigured to be sprigs of real holly, berries and all.

"You're catching up with us, just you wait ", Lily swatted her playfully with the tea towel before gesturing to the cake in front of her. "Would you do the honours, Valerie? Your charms are far better than mine or James'". She was pointing at the red velvet cake, covered in white icing with a little black icing sugar dog perched on top. Valerie was exceptionally talented at charms, undoubtedly Professor Flitwick's favourite, so she, of course, agreed to add the final touches, only feeling the pressure of such a task slightly. She pulled her silver lime wand from her pocket and waved it gracefully, quietly muttering an incantation. Sure enough, 5 minutes later the little black dog was charging about the top of the cake, diving into snow drifts made of icing and jumping up to chomp at the falling sugar snowflakes. It was simple yet delicate and Lily expressed her joy with a squeal.

She was having a good night, they had sung happy birthday despite Sirius' half-hearted protests and she had spent the remainder of the evening sipping butter beer, the odd fire whiskey (of course in moderation, her uncle was present) and trying hopelessly to teach Remus to dance. He had given her a kiss on the cheek in his tipsy state and shouted "Constant vigilance!" when Valerie announced she was stepping out for some air and she smiled widely at how carefree he seemed, totally unwound. It was brisk and snow was starting to settle on the ground; her head whipped round quickly to make sure she was alone, taking advantage of the time to have a cigarette.

"Still sneaking cigs, I see. I feel like we're back at Hogwarts", a smooth voice called from behind her. She turned to see Sirius, leaning against the cottage wall, his familiar smirk half hidden from his own cigarette held up to his lips. It was nice that some things never changed.

"Some of us still are", she reminded him softly, her eye lashes fluttering gently against the falling snow. "You won't tell on me, will you?". It was a half serious question, she had promised Remus she would quit.

"Never", he replied seriously, chucking her a lighter with his other hand. They were silent for a few moments as she lit her cigarette and took a puff.

"What are you doing out here anyway? It's your party after all", she turned to face him, taking a step closer as she handed the lighter back.

"You know me, Shirley. I hate the spotlight", his smirk got wider as she raised an eyebrow. She was going to shot down the ludicrous statement but decided, in good humour, she would play along, "Yes, oh so humble as you are".

"Really?"/

"No, you're a peacock, an absolute preener", a bark-like laugh ensued before she continued, "I'm sure the line of women waiting under the mistletoe will be very disappointed".

"Sirius closed the distance between them, a hand reaching out to gently touch a strand of her curly hair. "Well it is my birthday, its bad luck not to have a kiss before midnight".

She shivered slightly, the heat of his hand grazing her collarbone as he adjusted her jacket more tightly against the frigid wind. "Suppose it is", she muttered, unsure as to where this was leading.

"So, shall we?", he asked suddenly, discarding his finished cigarette. Grey eyes intently watching the small woman finish her own. Valerie looked at him in confusion, her mismatched eyes holding an unasked question that he had no problem answering.

"It _is_ my birthday" he repeated before gulping quickly. He almost looked unsure, something so uncharacteristically Sirius that it made her nervous. "Its twelve minutes to midnight and a little birdie told me they were going to play Sara next".

She realised she should have felt suspicion, or something akin to it - after all he was one of the most renowned pranksters in Hogwarts history. He was also one of her cousin's closest friends and although she was of legal age, he was a man, one with a job that often rendered him in the face of danger. There were multiple things for Valerie to consider but when he extended his hand out towards her, she found herself taking it with little to no thought at all.

It would have been a beautiful moment she was sure; one of those perfect memories that you hold on to forever, that reminded you that magic existed naturally, without wands or words, within the simple interaction between two people. But it was not to be. For as soon as her skin came into contact with his own, Valerie felt the familiar chill as the unknowable washed over her, her eyes glazing over as though in death. She drifted within time as she watched the future warp and change with every minute decision but one remained vibrant and dark. She was as still as a corpse but only for a moment, the light rushed back into her body as quickly as it had left without reaching her eyes. It could not reach her eyes. She had dropped his hand, trying to ignore the hurt written on his face. Little did he know this was no rejection but Valerie knew that Sirius Black, more than most, understood duty over pleasure. She scrambled together an apology before rushing inside to find an adult to side along apparate her back to Hogwarts. She sent her patronus in warning. She had to tell Dumbledore. They were going to be betrayed.

**AN: Thank you for reviewing! I just have a few things to mention about this chapter: firstly, in the final flashback Valerie is 17 as she can perform magic outside of school without worry of consequences from the ministry. I don't mean to romanticise underage romances but I feel these flashbacks are important to show the history between the two characters and how both are unfortunate victims of poor timing. Please review and enjoy! **


	5. Hellish Things

Chapter 5

"Shut up. Just shut up and get out!"

"You can't hate us forever. Sooner or later you'll have to stop acting like a spoilt child!"

"Why can't you just leave me alone!"

"You'll have to forgive him some time, Valerie."

"Stop talking!"

"He is suffering, how can you be so cruel?"

"He promised me he wouldn't do this!"

"What would your mother say, Vally? If she saw you two like this."

SMASH!

There went another piece of Mrs Black's best china.

"Get out! Just get out!"

/||||\\\\\\\

This behaviour was getting out of hand. She was getting out of hand.

The more amicable everyone was to her, the more she would retreat back into her room, hissing and edging away from every kind gesture with complete distrust. She was like a caged animal, the desperation radiating off of her but with an unwillingness to accept the slightest help. It didn't help that she jumped from depressed to being on the attack as quick as flipping on a light switch. Snape had informed them all that while it was highly annoying, such volatile behaviour was common in an individual who had done some serious mental damage to themselves and was unfortunately likely to persist but slow down in the future. He couldn't be certain without a mind healer but he theorised that Valerie, after suppressing everything to do with the war since her departure, was experiencing what she had Seen once again, reliving the pain of every death she had foretold as if it were happening before her. This was most likely a good sign, Snape had continued, there can be no healing without pain.

"Try to imagine: the intensity of the emotions of your teenage self in a body that is not only broken but contains a mind that has not been allowed to develop. It is a truly hellish thing".

/||||\\\\\\\\\

Once they had found her stood out in the rain in nothing but a long jumper and her underwear, drenched to the bone. No one wanted to touch her, in fear of upsetting her even more and it had taken 15 minutes of Sirius standing outside there with her to coax her back inside. Valerie had finally turned to him, blonde hair plastered to her wet face and put her arms around his neck, allowing him to carry her inside. She finally stopped sobbing when Remus had wordlessly pulled the small woman onto his lap and rocked her back and forth.

Both men had laid with her until morning. Remus holding her hand from the chair beside her bed and Sirius resting his head against her feet as he sat on the floor,

That had been a bad night. But not the worse.

/|||/

All she could do was cry and scream and stomp her feet. Alternate between those 3. Monotonously swallow the food made for her and sit in her guided cage until visiting time started. She wanted her cousin's company but would not face the injustice of asking for his presence first. She wanted Dumbledore, the man that had nurtured her as a young child, but she also wanted him to acknowledge the depth of his selfishness in his asking her to relieve the past. She wanted an apology from everyone in this house for forcing her into a prison, for denying her the freedom to breath fresh air and feel the sunlight on her skin. She wanted her mother, she wanted Vera, she wanted Lily, she wanted back everything she had lost. She wanted to cry and yell and throw a tantrum all at the same time. Except she didn't really. She didn't have the energy to do more than open her eyes and exist throughout the day. She wanted to go to sleep forever, to never wake up.

/|||\\\\\\\

It had been a rough night. Valerie wasn't the only one who suffered in the wee hours. He had been back in that hell hole, forgotten and shrivelling like a flower discarded from the blessing light of the sun. He was looking down at himself, sagging skin and snarled limbs as he slumped onto bare rock; none of this was particularly shocking or out of the usual. In fact, it was exactly how he had remembered it but this Sirius was different. His eyes were pitch black, bottomless yet empty to the barrel all at the same time, a cruel smile plastered to the tattered reflection he stared upon. It was a version of himself he was unfortunately all too familiar with. The dementors had nearly achieved in breaking him far more than intended - his happiness safely sucked into their miserable bowels, they had left only his anger and violent eagerness for revenge. He had clung to it like a child does a mother, feeding off of it until it all but consumed him, possessing every waking thought. He had ended up having to shake himself out of it a few times and shamefully convince himself that mutilating Peter was exactly the type of awful behaviour that had led to his false imprisonment in the first place. It was this capability to slip into the other Sirius, the one capable of great violence and hatred, that frightened him most. There was no room for another broken soul in Grimmauld Place, they had enough of those already.

He dragged a hand over his scruffy face and dragged himself down to the kitchen, considering his sleep was perfectly ruined for the night. He had made it out of his room, up the hall and down two steps when he was greeted by it.

"Filthy half-blood! Mucking madams's precious china, Kreacher would die than to see - AH! Off, off, OFF!" was the resounding noise coming from the kitchen below, followed by a large crash as things clattered to the floor.

"Kreacher!" Sirius called harshly as he raced down the stairs, fully ready to banish him to the attics if he had disturbed and abused yet another Order member as he was so partial to do. What he did not expected to see was a disgruntled house-elf attempting to seize a tattered embroidered blanket from a very dishevelled Valerie, as she hobbled about the kitchen with it wrapped around her shoulders and head.

"Mistress's most prized house coat, the nasty brat has taken! Thief! Lovely mistress would roll over in her grave", the gnarled old house-elf shouted at the top of his lungs, reaching a warped old hand to wrench the dusty fabric off of her with such force it took Valerie down with it. She landed on the floor with a thump but made no noise of complaint, merely continuing to mutter quietly and stretching her hands across the floor as if in search of something.

Sirius rushed forward to help her, pushing a floundering Kreacher out of the way, and gathering her up by her arms. He could hear her whispering quietly, over and over again, but she would not even look at him, seemingly not even realising his grip on her. Her eyes were darting around the room much in the same way her hands were, in search of something that was so beyond her grasp.

"Valerie", he called, testing to see her response. There was none. He gently shook her, trying to gain her attention but once more she denied him, eyes and mouth moving rapidly. He leant his ear closer to her lips.

"Stone. Stone cup. Stone. And all those papers. Paper people. It's not his fault he is a paper people" was the babbling mantra that greeted him. She looked demented, truly, eyes wide and hair knotted and Sirius decided right in that moment that he would take her screaming over the babbling any day.

"Spread your poison else where, away with you!" he demanded furiously at Kreacher, who in the mean time had taken to shrieking "Thieves!" and galloping around the kitchen with a spirit far too enthusiastic for someone who was well into their 80s. It did nothing to quell him and it seemed that Valerie had caught wind of the excitement in the air as her words climbed in volume to match that of Kreacher's and she struggled slightly to stand and raise her arms in the air.

Sirius felt as though he could rip his hair out. "So help me Merlin, Kreacher, if you don't disappear I will take a pair of scissors to that precious portrait of yours!", he shouted suddenly, effectively obtaining a frightened "EEK!" from the addressee and sending Valerie back into her quiet murmurings. He heard the kitchen door slam as he guided her onto a chair, wrapping the blanket tightly back around her. She rocked back and forward, back and forward, her fingers cradled lightly in his hand whilst his other summoned Remus.

"Sirius?", she suddenly asked after a while, mismatched eyes fixed on him intensely, her fingers brushing against her chin. She looked so confused, it broke his heart.

"It's me, Shirley", he answered encouragingly, trying not to focus on the slight shake to her voice and trembling in her limbs.

"Are we safe?", she whispered back, eyes darting back and forth, slipping so far down her seat he had to pull her back up.

He didn't really know how to answer, he didn't want to lie to her but he also didn't think blatant honesty was the best option right now either. He squeezed her fingers gently and settled with a stiff nod, trying to ignore the swell of sadness at such an innocent question.

Valerie leaned forward until her chin was resting on his shoulder, the two bodies touching in a barely half-hug. Her lips turned to graze against his ear lobe, "Tell them. It wasn't his fault. You tell them. Just like it wasn't yours".

They sat like that for what seemed like ages. Until Remus arrived and was allowed to usher her back into bed.

/|||\\\\\\\\\\\\\

"No! I couldn't live with myself if I let you!"

"Her abilities are returning, Remus. She's a strong one and even you can't argue that, Black"

"Not enough to do what you're asking of her, this isn't last time!"

"She knew about Harry's name being put in the goblet, we can't ignore the signs!"

"You're talking about her as if she has no say in the matter!"

"Well they clearly aren't going to ask her, are they?"

"We all must concede that Valerie is regaining her powers. This signifies a great change, not just for herself but for the war. I believe this can only mean our fears have finally progressed and hellish things are on their way. We must proceed with the utmost caution".

"She isn't a weapon to be turned on and off whenever you choose! You didn't see it, what it was like. What _she _was like."

"Indeed she is not. Do not mistake me, Mr Black, Valerie's safety is my main concern however there are larger risks at play here".

"You can't seriously suggest-"

She darted back to her room from her place at the banister as she heard a door fly open and a set of feet stomp up the stairs. She had just tucked herself back into bed when their owners stormed in, coat in hand before demanding, "Get dressed. There is something you need to see".

She couldn't remember the last time she had seen Remus so stern, conviction burning in his eyes. They still really weren't on speaking terms but she didn't test him when he dangled the coat out to her again, his foot tapping impatiently on the floor.

"Where are we going?"

**AN: This was a bit of an odd chapter but I hope you enjoy. As always all disclaimers apply and if you want more of this story review! **


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